Yepsirree Bob, Sue, and Larry. You’re getting another entry from yours truly. I guess I’ve come to the point where I’m saying “Self, you know, you’ve had this thing for an entire year, yet you don’t choose to do anything about it. Remember all those times you wanted to talk to someone about something, but didn’t really want to go searching for ’em? Well, here you go… you’ve got a LiveJournal where you broadcast your random thoughts to the anonymity you call the Internet. If people want to respond, you’ve got the ‘Post Comment’ section. That’s hot. Otherwise, hey, they read, laugh, and click on.”
As a result, you’ve got me later at night, actually writing.
Something I’ve been thinking about. One of my close associates is feeling somewhat down, and I came to realize that on the whole, I’ve seen a lot of my friends and family go through personal struggles this summer, myself included. I mean, sure, I haven’t lost a leg or a dog or a World Series ticket, but that doesn’t mean my hurt doesn’t hurt any less. It makes me realize I’m lucky, but still hurt. I came to a point where I broke down and cried myself home from work because it was such a difficult struggle for me, and I’m not one to cry often. The “Sensitive 21st Century Man” hasn’t quite done all of its emasculation, but it’s grown on me enough to realize a real man isn’t going to hide his emotions.
(enough with that rant…) But, throughout all of that, I came to find a peace. And that’s wierd… you struggle with things… hate what they do to you, but if you say “hey, yeah, it’s happening, and there is a silver lining… God promised it wouldn’t ever rain for 40 days and 40 nights again” there’s a peace and a strength. Ex – great friend of mine, and a blessing in my life was struggling to get through her senior year, and I could understand why. Each time she turned around she was trod upon, taken advantage of, and basically demoralized. And that’s especially tough when you do all you can to support your High School… become a pillar. You do everything you possibly can in the school; if there is an office to be held, you’ll do it. But, man, she got ripped into. I remember talking to her on the phone late at night and just hearing the sadness in her voice was tough. But, there came a point when the countdown became more important than the pain, and a peace came over her, which was truly nice to see. Then she recieved a big scholarship from her school, and it makes you wonder – looking at it from hindsight – why were you so upset to begin with? But you never realize that when your there, doing it, living it, trudging through it.
Another example… my good friend is doing a summer internship at her church, and has had to deal with some pretty shady stuff from her coworkers. It’s stretched her to the limit of her faith, and now she’s looking at it being almost over. One more missions trip and she’s back at to the normalcy of college (to deviate for a second… a friend of mine and I were talking… isn’t it funny how in the freshman year of college one finds themselves totally displaced, and then yearns to return to it the next year because it’s a haven of normalcy? Probably has something to do with the whole inventing your own life and how that’s great because hey… it’s yours… but that’s for another time and entry). I’ve personally been really encouraged through all of her hard work – she busted her butt for the Lord, even through Satan’s attacks. I’m not saying any of the people she works with are Satan, but I’ve learned that kid uses even the smallest spark of difficulty and creates a bonfire of pain.
To get some sort of wrap on this whole mind dumping, I guess I can say that I’ve never seen more of the Lord and how He really IS here through these trials. Each time someone has gone through a trial, they inevitably do one of two things: turn their backs on God or run to Him with abandon. Each time something has happened to any of the people above (the first friend, myself, and the two others), they have ran to God, laid it all at His feet and have said “Look, I got the message. There’s something up. I can’t do this. I forgot that Satan is there… I forgot that though I am part of you and I have faith that moves mountains AND I AM NOT DUMB DUST, apart from you I’m like a branch off the tree… help me hear you and help me hear my heart” and God has not ignored them yet. He’s set them straight, but has come back and healed the wounds they suffered, and showed them His path again. God’s really revealed so much of Himself… well, let me rephrase that. God’s always had Himself fully revealed to me… it isn’t as though He’s been hiding somewhere and last week came out and said “psssst…. SURPRISE!”, rather some of the scales from my eyes have been removed… whether I had decided to shut my own eyes, whether I need Jesus to come and place His hands upon them and help me to see, or whether it was just time for me to see things differently, I have. I’ve seen it through senior years, internships, my struggles in work, and struggles with one questioning her worth. God’s exploded on the scene for me in a way that I think a year ago, two years ago I couldn’t have handled, or maybe could have handled but would have had no clue what to do with. It’s a quiet calling to take a different road and to put on a new pair of glasses and see the world as a battle and I as a warrior with the most powerful Claymore around – the Holy Spirit. No longer am I worthless and saved just because hey, God was a nice guy, or dumb dust as pastors have said for so long… no longer am I tied to the bonds of Satan. I’m me, Adam William Robert Anderson, part of God and His creation on the frontlines of the battle.
Not a bad title, eh? And, slowly, I’m starting to think that this road will make all the difference.
Well, I was just thinking about that, and come about 10 on I get honest.
Tomorrow I’m going out to eat with Charlie, Phil, a friend of Phil’s, and Brian. Zane is still in Florida, and I would like to see him, catch up on some stuff.
Anyway, it’s getting late… church tomorrow, and like I said, out to eat. Then Monday it’s the drudgery of doing reflections on a classroom observation followed by the joy of talking to Nancy on the phone. The rest of the week (sure to be chronicled) will probably entail shopping, relaxing with the family, going out with friends, and, probably most important, eating the last consistently good food for about 9 months (I do get a month’s reprieve come Christmas…)
Peace, Love, Souflee!