A vague entry… I realize….

but my head’s swirling, and I just wanted to place some stuff down for the sake of rememberance.

Isn’t it funny how so many of the things you do come back to you in the end? I mean, and I’m not just talking about the good stuff that you do, like when you give a dollar to a man on the street and he actually turns out to be a millionare, saying “because of your benevolence, I shall take care of all the expenses you incur for the rest of your life!”, but also the bad stuff. Everything you wanted to bury, everything you wanted to have erased off of your permanent record is still there, and it all comes back in ways you just don’t expect (as in a hangover or something). No, your parents find out through the grapevine, your pastor hears it on his CB radio, you lose friends from repercussions, see the same exact things happening that you did that you know are wrong happening with friends.

I know God is doing this for a reason. I know that for a fact this is helping me. I’ve prayed for months to be a better, stronger man of God – someone my church can be proud of, my family can smile about, and someone who deserves my future wife. Most importantly, God is doing this to say “C’mon, kid. Join me. This life – this old life of yours – it wasn’t so hot. You were doing things that you shouldn’t have done… and that’s okay. I know you had to rebel against me, I know that you’ve gotten tricked a time or two into Satan’s ways. I even tried to help, but you weren’t listening. But, I don’t really care about all that other stuff… all I want is for you to join me here. Today. Now. That old life, well, it doesn’t exsist anymore. You’re new. So, what are you waiting for?”

I still don’t know what I waited for.

Now, I’ve been given an opportunity to face my past and my future all in one nice little situation. Every fiber in my being wants to say “well, I never heard all of this, and to be completely honest, it’s probably not even true… so why don’t I just pretend like it didn’t happen? Yeah, I like that…. didn’t happen…” But there’s this one part of me, the part that’s starting to take hold in me that says “hey, it did happen. And you know what you have to do, so just do it… you know you’ll feel better”… like I said, my past and my future in the present.


…If you want some levity… click here —->

Last night I had a great time. Phil was AWOL, so it just ended up being Brian, Charlie , Joe and I at one of my favorite places to eat. It’s called Davidson’s, and it’s a little out of the way (about 25 minutes from my house), but it’s well worth it. We were the first ones in for dinner, and it was great to, at least for a few minutes, be as loud as we wanted. Brian is one of the funniest guys I’ve ever met. Each story he tells in funny in its own right, but made much more so by the way he tells it… the emphasis, the guy there. I will say for as long as I live he should be stand-up comedian… it’s his calling.

Well, after that we hung out at my house. Brian had to go out with Ashlie, so Joe, Charlie and I went out back and shot the .22 at some pop bottles. Charlie is a natural…. third time shooting he knocks the bottle right off from 50 yards. It took Joe 5, took me about 7. Kudos to him.

Then we came in, played Grand Theft Auto III, then headed to Mary’s house for a birthday party. We ate cake (Choclate and Zucchini… I liked it!) and played pool volleyball for 3 hours… now that was hot. Some of my best friends from home dukin’ it out to only the few lights around the pool. It was a great time. I’m looking forward to next Sunday when we get to do it ALL over again at Aby’s. =)

Oh well… tomorrow entails doing that homework, making lists. Then Wednesday I’m out, Thursday I might just be semi free… which really means I’m disappearing to regain my own thoughts, Friday it’s out shopping, Saturday I’m out with my grandparents, Sunday it’s church and Aby’s, Monday hopefully out with Valerie, Tuesday packing, Wednesday morning at school!


Anyway, peace, love, dictionaries, and if you think of it, pray for me. God’s started me on this journey this summer, and I think the first exit is approaching. I want to stay on this highway.


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