20 and I feel fine.

Yeah, so this is my first full day of 20ness. I had a really great day yesterday, and I just wanted to thank everyone again who made it so special.

But, you know, if there’s one thing I’m learning as time goes along is how true it is when people say “The older I get, the less I understand.” It would seem to me because I’ve got more knowledge I’ve been so much better at everything, but I’m learning I know just enough about life to talk intellegently about it, and then that’s about it. For example, I can do so well on my midterms and then get one not-as-good grade and all of the sudden think all the rest of it is not as good. I can think I understand what love is and how it’d come and what I’d do, and then I’m just as lost when it might be there (or not… see… can’t even decide on my journal entry). I can feel most fervently where I am in terms with God, and then at the last minute feel somewhere else entirely. It’s odd. I’m not assured that God never gives you more than you can handle, because I know that a couple years ago I couldn’t have handled all the ideas in my head now… which I suppose would lead me to believe that I can handle all that gets tossed my way.

Makes me wonder why I ever get worried. Human condition, I s’pose.

Funny think last night we all talked about as we were at Eat’n’Park till 3:00… Lindsay brought up the point that we’re invincible until God calls us home. I had remembered hearing that last semseter, but I don’t think it really hit home until last night. That means there’s nothing that can defeat me… ever. I’m never defeated, merely given my spot in Heaven. That means all this other stuff that can get me down doesn’t matter. I’m also beginning to realize that if we’re created in God’s divine image, we’ve got so many of His characteristics, and I’ve never thought God was someone who was ever down. Did He weep? I’m sure he did. Was He angry? Read the Old Testament. But He did it all out of love, not out of fear or ulterior motives. And, if He’s like that, why should I spend my time being upset about the little things and have a negative mindset… if God had a negative mindset, I’d hasten to wonder whether we’d still be around. Ah well… by the same token God seems awful prepared for everything… I guess that comes with the whole being God and being omnicient and omnipresent thing. That means I shouldn’t be saying “oh, I don’t have to study for this…” it means always being at 100%.

Anywho, I’m off to watch the ai video from last night. Peace to all… and those at GCC… have a safe break!



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