I had a chance to take a look at a friends post, and it was about her faith, and it made me think of mine. In keeping in line with what my reviewer pointed out, I’m going to cut here so that if anyone would like to skip the next entry, they can. peace and love.
My friend commened, basically, on the fact that she felt conflicted because she feels like she’s telling people not to do these things, and then in return she does them:
Maybe it takes someone I think I care about that much to make me actually THINK. And when I write the whole feeling is fading, and I like it and dont at the same time. See, I really dont seem to care so much about following the one BEING I believe is Almighty. I thought about it. If it came down to it, I’d go do everything the commandments say not to do, in the worst sense, if it were not for my morals that every human has. Yet by logic and faith I still believe myself to be in rebellion and believe God to be God and Christ to be the Saviour. I dont know what this all means. At all. It could mean something really bad about me. I really dont know. Maybe I have something really the wrong with me, according to the way I think and what I believe. I mean, let’s see. According to what I believe, I believe I most likely am committing all sins and continuing and not trying to stop. Like, I worship gods, and they could be anything, and not just idols and such. I misuse his name, loud and clear, and dont try to change. I never ever remember the Sabbath day, never care to so much. I don’t honor my parents much. I respect them. But it’s about morals. I love them, deep down. Normal human feelings… I suppose I am just very convinced that I am a sinner but am not doing so much about it. Maybe it’s just a stage of random guilty feelings. The whole holy spirit thing tugging at me? I think I am showing a very very bad example of what someone of my beliefs should be like…
As I read more and more about it, I think she gets this feeling that what she’s going through is bad, and that she shouldn’t be feeling this way at all. I guess from my experiences, I think feeling that way is one of the biggest blessings someone can have. To be able to see yourself in a complete 360 degree way, be aware of what you do sometimes, and understand is great. Paul talks about this when he says that there are multiple times that he knows what he should do, but then in return doesn’t do it. He has to deal with the fact that even though I’d say he was the powerhouse of God’s first generation of Christians, he was still a sinner, and he killed the same people he later tired to save after his conversion. Many of the people in the OT and NT aren’t exactly the greatest people. Noah: drunk; David: Murderer and Adulterer; Samson: Womanizer; Paul: Murderer (as Saul, but still… same guy); Rahab, a prostitute, was in the lineage of David and of Jesus. People aren’t perfect. I think Paul sums it up again in 2 Corinithians 12 real well:
7To keep me from becoming conceited because of these surpassingly great revelations, there was given me a thorn in my flesh, a messenger of Satan, to torment me. 8Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. 9But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. 10That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.
You know what, we are going to be sinners, we won’t be perfect. But we don’t have to be. God’s perfect grace makes us better.