Good morning all. This weekend was rather enjoyable, and would be just enjoyable period had it not been for a sinus infection and the ensuing Dayquil-induced haze I’ve been living in for the last four days or so.
First off, it was Ryan’s Graduation party on Saturday. I was out of commission to do much help, but I was so impressed at how hard my parents work to put it on for everyone. It’s weird too being on the other end of it (as has been the case so many times since graduating myself). To me it felt like another catering job made special only by the fact that it was my brother’s celebration. The only damper to the party was when Linda Ford, a good friend of the family and who always has been there to help at parties we have, had to go to the hospital because she suffered a heart attack. Apparently it had been going on since 12:30 and she only left for the hospital at 5:00 or so. Everyone did a great job of keeping it on the qt because I didn’t know (nor did anyone else at the party) until my grandfather made the announcement and called us to prayer some time later.
So far from what I’ve heard she’s in the ICU and will be headed to the pulmonary ICU sometime this week. Please be in prayer for her.
On a lighter note, I’ll have pictures from the festivities sometime this week.
On Sunday we celebrated Father’s Day which isn’t really our MO; we typically wait until the Fourth of July and make it a dual holiday (we’re an efficient family like that). However, with the extra barbecue meatballs; sausage, peppers and onions; ham salad; beef salad; and chicken salad, it seemed like a good idea to make the celebration Sunday if only to eat. My dad and grandfather both got really nice utility knifes, which you can never have enough of. It’s at that point when I can’t help but start to think about the fact that I’ll be a father someday, and I’ll be getting utility knifes from my kids and wife because I’m sure I’ll still never have a surplus of utility knifes when I’m 30 or whatever. Overall, it was an uneventful day and wonderfully relaxing.
I’ve broken it off with Lindsay. For good. For those of you that know me the best will snicker at that remark, but believe me when I say I know it’s done. And from my end I’m feeling one part grief over the loss of a off-and-on nearly 2 and a half year relationship, but a sense of relief that it’s done. Now that it’s becoming a more known thing, friends are coming out of the woodwork letting me know that they think this is one of the better decisions I’ve made for awhile. They’re telling me all of the sudden that they thought Lindsay was controlling and that “It’ll be nice to have the old Adam back”. Want to know how many fights I’ve had since coming home and breaking off this relationship? None. Furthermore, my parents and grandparents (my ridiculously wise grandmother who always knows the right thing to say and has, like my mother, never been wrong about things like this) didn’t like her either. Said she couldn’t believe how she could tell everyone in front of her at her house that she received better grades than me and how she was smarter and she was better and all the yadda yadda yadda that I had become immune to. I had been feeling that way for some time, but I kept thinking to myself “I can try just a little harder, work this last thing out, do one more thing and we’ll get through this”, when I realized that in the interim all I’m doing is compromising the very thing I’d been wanting to save. The ideas I had about what I wanted my perfect relationship to be were slowly being lost because I was so willing to cut her breaks on what she was doing. And don’t get me wrong, I’m certainly not saying that she’s some crazy woman, but I just expected that when I was dating the right girl, she’d be by her nature reacting to certain situations in a way I found pleasing. For example, if someone treated girlfriend X in an inappropriate manner, she could dust it off of her shoulders and move on, not make it a criminal affair. Which, sorry to say, didn’t happen with girlfriend L.
As I’ve said before, she’ll make a wonderful wife and mother. That I have no doubt. Where I do doubt it is if it will be with me.
So then the question is, obviously, what to do from here? First, I can’t let myself get trapped into the same relationship again because I know what the future will hold and I’d rather not repeat history. Beyond that, I’d say I’m just going to have to do what I’ve never done very well and be patient. God has provided for me exactly what I needed (not always wanted) when I needed it. And yet I can be so ignorant as to assume he won’t do it again. All I need to do is just be myself, which I’m pleased to report is finally starting to feel right again.
peace, love, happy first day of summer.