Looking back…

I was reading back at some of my old journal entries (I like to do that because I can see who I was, how my writing style has changed, and how I was kind of a tool back in the day :P)

Anyway, I found this entry, and it basically is a thesis to the journal. It’s also a snapshot of history, because I thought at this point in my life I’d be on my way to engagement and student teaching.

The job I work at gives me a lot of time to think. All I do is either make sinks or paint and sweep. It’s an easy living when it comes right down to it. I work mindlessly and make 11.50/hr at it. There’s some complaints about all of it (understandably, I mean, I think we all have the right to question the establishments), but that’s another entry. I thought today about the fact that here I am, 19 years old, and I’m growing up. It’s scary (and exciting of course) to realize that shortly I’m going to be thinking about marriage and settling down to have a family of my own. I mean, I have faith in God and what He has in store for me, but wow. Life is right there… before I know it I’m going to be teaching. Three years seems like it would be this great expanse of time, but in actuality it’s just a dot in my lifeline. My life just exploded in nine months. I watched myself go from someone who was just living about 60% of what I could achieve to one who realizes that I have undiscovered potential just waiting to be tapped. I never had to try hard in High School; things just happened. I had a lot of friends like that. But then pow – I was hit with a big ‘ol learning curve… the likes of which I’d never seen. And it made me think about a lot of other stuff on the side, too. Like, am I who I really want to be? Am I giving everything I have? Am I going to be the guy that I want that future wife of mine to marry? It’s this kind of stuff that still keeps me waking up in the morning… keeps me reading my Bible… keeps me trying. It’s weird what painting for 6 hours will do to you. Gets you all self-reflective.

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