Questions I’ve asked myself in the last 24 hours and answer I already wrote…

What do you do when you don’t beleive the Bible as truth?
Why do all guys have this innate desire to fix things, even when we can’t?
Why is it that my life constantly refelcts John Mayer lyrics?
Why do I want so bad to be in control? Why can’t I give that to God?

So I’ve thought all of this, and was looking back at some of my old entries. I found this one I wrote this summer, and it’s the same story in my life – give up. Stop trying and give it to God.

…So here’s the rub: God wants me to give everything over to Him to lighten my burdens, and yet I enjoy having those unneeded burdens because I’m impatient and want what I want when I want and under my own control. And then on top of that, Satan takes advantage of my weaknesses, exploits them and I begin to start to pity myself, get angry at people who don’t deserve it, and just become a major jerk all in the name of what I want.

And that right there bothers me the most – because I’m the one ultimately responsible for this, and yet I do nothing to solve it. No one can make you feel inferior without your consent, and I’ve given people a contract to humiliate. God is teaching me so much right now – learning to give up everything to Him, the knowledge that strength is power under control, the knowledge that God does have that perfect person out there for me but I need to trust in Him who’s perfect first, and that for too long I’ve had my priorities mixed up and am in desperate need of a change there.

So I begin to leave it here right now. My worries and frustrations, I give to God. My weakness is strength and God’s made perfect through it, and it’s His. I’ll give Him my relationships, because He ultimately will be the one to guide and direct them properly. And after the forging by fire is over, I’ll be able to come back to this point and realize what God’s blessed me with and how much stronger I’ve become as a result.

I leave them again. God, take my will away. Take my contol away, and for what it’s worth, take what I am and use it.

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