so i thought about not posting while home…

    …but this is usually when I get some of my best thinking done.  However, silly dial-up makes the idea of being online somewhat daunting.
    The first thing I've come to realize is about relationships (and for clarification, I think this is appropriate to all relationships, not necessarily dating relationships), and it's that too often people (and I'm certainly included as I, indeed, am a person) are working really hard to "get over" previous relationships.  I've found myself in that boat more often than not trying to see how I can push through old relationships as fast as I could to get into the next one okay.  It was as though it was something to just fight in.

    And then, as is the case usually, during my time with my spiritual mentor, I learned something.  Gregg said to me, "Adam, I don't know if you ever get over old relationships".  At first I really didn't like that idea.  I've had a few relationships, most great, some not so good, and I just always thought you did work through and that was it.  But, really, isn't that silly thinking?  And really, do I ever really want to get over old relationships?  Each relationship I've had makes me who I am.  It inevitably affected me somehow – I realized I can do something, I can't do something, or I need something:

    P.K. showed me I could be a steady, reliable friend.
    D.T. showed me I can't be in a relationship with someone who's really shy.
    L.P. showed me I need to be better at forgiveness.
    R.A. taught me how to love and respect people who are different than me.

      Each of those relationships mean so much to me, but yet in half of those I just wanted to blow by them, which really doesn't give the dignity to any of those relationships they deserve.  And "getting over" would seem to equate some sort of moving beyond something like it's a roadblock to life, not life itself.

    So we don't ever get over relationships, but rather find their place in the patchwork that becomes our hearts, our souls, and the rest of the relationships we have.  It doesn't mean it hurts any less to work through the negative realtionships – in fact, it probably hurts a little more, because one has to say "what happened here?  What was good?  What was bad?  How can I grow?" instead of "that sucks, next", but I, for one, have found this realization to be helpful.  After all, if God has placed these things in my life good, right, and holy reasons, I should probably pray and reflect over them.

     On another note, I am home, it's been gorgeous, and I saw Russell and Chrissy today for the first time in almost a year and probably a year and a half respectively.   I also recieved wonderful phone messages from Ian Kane, Beth Herman, Jeff Hodge, and Aaron Eller.  This random influx of folks who I've cared about for quite sometime now is so refreshing, and a joyful reminder of how relationships really have shaped me.  I also just love looking in my backyard, feeling hardwood floors, and knowing here I can slip into just Adam.  As much as I love my job and the people I work with, and as much as I loved college, there's always a peace to just go home and be Adam the son, grandson, and brother.

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