do not let your heart be troubled…

Today has been weird.  I’m not usually an anxious or worried person.  Life is too short and beautiful for it.  But today, boy, I’ve been anxious in spades.  I woke up this morning in a panic.  About relationships, about work, about my papers I need to write – about everything and anything.  And it was weird, because it didn’t make any sense.  It’s not as if I had any reason to be anxious or panicked.  The worst part is it feels lodged inside me.  My bones, my blood.  I mean, it could be caffiene, Sudafed, cabin fever, expectation… any of the above.  But it isn’t comfortable.  It isn’t me.

We had gathering in praise today, and before it, I went to the chapel and prayed very specifically for God to help me figure this out, and that I’m giving myself over to Him, relegating my will and control to Him.  In response (and this could have been me or the Holy Spirit, but I tend to think it’s both together), I recieved the same thing over and over again:

“Let not your heart be troubled.”

So I’d pray some more.

“Let not your heart be troubled.”

Over and over, I’d try to start again, and that’s what I heard, so resounding and real:

“Let not your heart be troubled.”

And so I figured after about the 7th or 8th time, I’d listen.  And so sure, I still feel anxious and insecure a little, but I’m remembering that ultimately, my heart, soul and strength are with my God, the Creator and Lord of Heaven and Earth.

I’ve also had the blessing of a community around me saying the same thing in various  ways… stay focused on the blessings… don’t worry, it’s easy to make something out of nothing… yeah, I’ve been feeling anxious, too, I’ve just prayed.

In many ways, I’ve felt the arms of God around me today.


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