2010 has started.
In case you didn’t know that.
I’ve found that I’m approaching this year a little differently than I think I’ve approached any others. Maybe it’s being older, maybe it’s looking at life from the perspective of events, and less by dates. Or maybe it’s just simply that the events of 2009 were in no way what I expected. To be honest, I’m glad it’s gone. For a recap:
- January-March: Pretty standard insofar as life goes
- March: Melissa and I have a break. Also known as the slow-leak breakup.
- April: Melissa moves to Columbus. That brought me so much hope and joy for the future.
- June: Melissa and I break it off. My decision, and built around a lot of stress, and hurt. It may have been the right thing, but certainly in the wrong way. Later that month, she leaves Columbus. I feel the weight of that each time I think of it. Takeaway: if you have any hint of something significantly wrong in a relationship, don’t encourage a move one way or another. I think this was akin to trying to save a relationship by extending yourself physically… it just hides deeper things.
- July: I break my ankle, subsequently ending my summer.
- October: Fender Bender
- November 29: Speeding Ticket and Fender Bender II. I now have 6 points on my driving record.
- December: A bill that I didn’t know about went into collections without any warning and dropped my credit score 50 points. I’m still waiting for Mount Carmel to rectify the situation.
I’m not writing this for your pity, but rather I’m writing this as a reminder to myself that no one said life would always be easy or fun, and sometimes you have a crap year. I’m still blessed beyond what I deserve – I have family, friends, work, and grace. I’m not saying God and I were always best friends in 2009, but I always knew if I called He’d be on the other line.
So 2010 comes around. And so far I feel peace. Part of the problem of having so much happening over and over was that there wasn’t a chance for me to reconcile myself to the events in my life. A chance to pray. A chance to not think. A chance to disappear. I took Christmas to do that.
And then I remembered so many good things. Visiting Minneapolis. Visiting Boston. Taking an impromptu trip to Manhattan to just grab dinner. Skiing on ground more than on skis. Asking 10-year-olds what they want in their neighborhood to which they replied “not a f—ing German Village”. New Salem Baptist Church. The OHFA conference. Starting Public Policy courses.
Here I am.
I am alive.
I am loved.
I am running 3 miles in 30 minutes, and know I can do better.
I am looking forward to holding hands and kissing in ways that cause silly grins and stumbled words.
End of January. I’m applying to the PhD program in Public Policy. I’m laughing with new friends about new things. I wake up with the belief that today is worth the best effort I can muster, and then trusting the Holy Spirit will get me out of bed and bring me to the places where I need to be.
Everyone needs a 2009. 2009 makes 2010 worth something.