i needed to hear this

There are times when our
peace is based upon ignorance, but when we awaken to the facts of life,
inner peace is impossible unless it is received from Jesus. When Our Lord
speaks peace, He makes peace, His words are ever “spirit and life.” Have
I ever received what Jesus speaks? “My peace I give unto you”
it is a peace which comes from looking into His face and realizing His
undisturbedness.

Are you painfully disturbed just now, distracted by the waves
and billows of God’s providential permission, and having, as it were,
turned over the boulders of your belief, are you still finding no well
of peace or joy or comfort; is all barren? Then look up and receive the
undisturbedness of the Lord Jesus. Reflected peace is the proof that
you are right with God because you are at liberty to turn your mind to
Him. If you are not right with God, you can never turn your mind
anywhere but on yourself. If you allow anything to hide the face of
Jesus Christ from you, you are either disturbed or you have a false
security.

Are you looking unto Jesus now, in the immediate matter that
is pressing and receiving from Him peace? If so, He will be a gracious
benediction of peace in and through you. But if you try to worry it
out, you obliterate Him and deserve all you get. We get disturbed
because we have not been considering Him. When one confers with Jesus
Christ the perplexity goes, because He has no perplexity, and our only
concern is to abide in Him. Lay it all out before Him, and in the face
of difficulty, bereavement and sorrow, hear Him say, “Let not your
heart be troubled.”

-o. chambers

i have felt, of late, fairly lonely. i am the only one of my friends right now that does not have someone i graduated with or was freinds within a half an hour of my house (aaron eller is here for a little bit, but who knows how long he’ll be here in erie before he starts his new phase of life). the lonliness and frustrations of transition are inevitable. the frustrating thing for me right now is that while everyone else was in the throes of getting used to graduation, i was safely in new staff training respite. now it’s my turn to try to get used to all of this, and friends don’t quite understand why i’d feel like in august – after all, i’ve been graduated since may. and that’s okay, it’s what i have to deal with. however, this was a very encouraging devotional, not in the “everything is okay” way, but rather in the “here’s the answer if you have nerve to try it”, and sometimes that’s the most benefical answer.

i struggle with lonliness more so than many people, mostly because i am a major people person. i find my energy when immersed in many people. when i choose to be alone, it’s energizing as well, but when it’s thrust upon me, then i feel sad. but in all times, whether happy, sad, in between, my lack of peace is becuase i’m so concerned about me, and not striving to find God’s peace. it’s an intersting mental juxtapose.

anyway, i felt the need to write. i might go to the mall to walk around, might watch a movie, i don’t know. but i am going to try to find my peace in Christ and his perfection, and not the percieved lack of perfection of my own circumstances. because something makes me think that if i focus on Christ, things will look much more right.

peace and love, all

Advertisements

5813

training is done. it was good, but there are two things that have made me think about what i’m doing, and made me realize that i’m not in kansas nor grove city any more, and show that God has placed me in a special position at a special time at gannon.

exhibit a:

we had a lot of sexuality training this week (they feel it’s important to bring in the open, for as i found, there is a tension about homosexuality). anyway, there was a situation where a girl confided in an RD or RA that she had an abortion, and another individual labeled them a sinner and yadda yadda. the response by myself and some of the other resident campus ministers (rcm) was that regardless, the key is to love on the person first, and allow for the situation to grow where she may feel comfortable to discuss how she felt about having an abortion. i feel that i must have said “minister” or something, and the area coordinator, renee, said “we are not trained to be ministers – we are not supposed to minister, but to counsel and provide options” or something to that effect. i was floored, and i am sure i went flush. we, as sons and daughters of the living Christ are called to place everything into ministry – there is no dualism. it seems ludacris to make that distinction, but it is quite prevalent. and this is a private, catholic university! which brings me to my next point:

exhibit b:

one of the ra’s today said that because we are a private catholic university, don’t we have the right to encourage those who are at the university to abide by the mission? the mission itself is optimisitic and innocuous, and something that all people can get behind. and i completely agreed with what this ra said, because, after all, i went to a school that unabashedly stood up for its mission, and while not requiring, certainly encouraged those who went to aspire to uphold the mission. it gave gcc a sense of culture and mission beyond ourselves and our simple four years. however, as soon as this student said that, one of the rd’s chimed “why would you want that? would you want to be in the gannon bubble? how’s that going to prepare you for the real world?”

i’m here as a testament to say that i made it through the gcc bubble, and while i’m learning, i’m fine. copacetic, in fact. and you can take that to the bank, people of the journal reading.

tomorrow is the big day. i think i’m going to go drink some tea, watch tv, read, and go to bed early. peaceandlove.

5575

i’m in a damned funk. and i don’t say that for emphasis, but rather because i think that satan, in all of his power, loves to hurt not directly (because that would be too obvious, even for the newest Christian), but rather in more obtuse, somewhat benign ways. i have been struggling with that for a few days. feeling the culture shock of being away from the most wonderful support group i ever had. feeling like i won’t hack it as a campus minsiter and rd. feeling insecure. feeling alone.

this is not to say that God does not use these things for His children to grow. when it becomes satan’s work is when we, as humans, forget that it can difficult times are good and perfect and from God. when we lose our trust in Him, we begin to lose our safety to satan.

that was cathartic. but i’m still not entirely sure i can convince myself yet.

jeremy shankle

What is the ‘real world?’ People in school, secondary and university, were always pining for the ‘real world,’ wanting to escape the safety of ‘the bubble.’ It does not get more real than this (is this what people were always trying to get to?). Yet, I often find myself pining for the safety and security of after school chai at Borders (me and ryan still drinking tea in ua), eating sandwiches before basketball games at jp’s, talking to a pretty freshmen female at the gee (she’ll be here in less than a month), and that crispy creme in cranberry at 4am (many casts of characters, same hot now taste).

What I think I’m realizing is there is no ‘real world.’ There is no ‘bubble.’ Life is what you make it, here, now. The grass can always be greener on the other side, or you can look out that window and see something beautiful.

4927

biggest thought in my head since coming to erie:

am i doing enough? will i do enough?

we’ll see. today starts another day of training. i love the students, but some of the admin in student living are slightly off-putting. i want to give God 100% to this job, and it gets scary if i’m not sure if i am. i guess i always expect i’ll just walk in somewhere and it will just all fall together.

anyway, if you’re the praying type, pray for my vision (metaphoric… my eyes are good) and fighting through the difficult times that may be ahead.

the corner was our rock of gibraltar, our stonehenge

this is a shoutout to katie kokan: her blog is aqui, and you, the reader will be fully enriched by her writing. she was one of the people i was chill with througout the college time. we were many of the same classes freshman year, i roomed with her boyfriend sophomore year, and acted in her last gcc play. holla.

i’m in erie, and i will leave more pertinent details for later, but suffice it to say i find it a managable city. it isn’t so big that one can’t figure it out, but not so small that there’s nothing to do. i live square in the the middle of downtown, and within two blocks have my post office, my bank, my starbucks, and all of my offices. that is completely the opposite of the way things used to be. to even think about a cup of coffee in salem, it’s a good fifteen minute drive, and who really wants to do that? forty-five minutes to get to a barnes-n-noble from gcc? playa please. ten minutes now. there is basically nothing i want that isn’t at most ten minutes away. except for a thai restaraunt. but that’s a moot point.

following is a short list of music you should listen to before the end of the summer’s out. if you do, you’ll feel so much cooler… you don’t and you might be a jerk (but i won’t judge you purely on that basis):

– common: his new album is be. produced by kanye west, it’s solid neo-soul that will make you feel so good in the heat. he also has very strong African-American pride, and it’s a good album to understand African-American culture without the glitzy hip-hop culture overtones (which, from what i’ve read and noticed and learned is somewhat the bastard child of real African-American culture). try “the corner” and “go” for starters. speaking of kanye…

– kanye west: he has a new album coming out in a few days, but his single, “gold digger”, is a unique sound. jamie foxx does his ray charles, and it psuedo-samples “i got a woman” which is great. i’m really digging chi-town r&b. also:

– try to get your hands on some chopped and screwed stuff. “sitting sideways”, “back then”, and “oh” are decent examples. chopped and screwed basically slows a sample down a ridiculous amount and then rap over it. it’s got a nice sound to it, and it’s just different.

– weezer: their old stuff. i discovered “acapulco” in my extra mp3s of weezer’s, and i really liked that song a lot.

anyway, if you really did take the time to listen to all of those songs, you are really flippin’ sweet and i applaud you in between typing words.

i’m off to aaron eller’s house, then to visit amy flood and her friends (in erie that aren’t gannon students!), and then reading more catholic stuff.

peace and love, all.