5 people i really miss

these are folks i haven’t talked to in way too long

1. mike dhonau
2. russell stelts
3. amy bowers
4. mackenzie schaffer
5. carlous price

dear afformentioned people:
i hope we talk sometime soon.


ps – to all the other folks i really like that aren’t on the list – i’ve probably talked to you sometime recently.


I had tender feelings that you made hard,
But it’s your heart, not mine, that’s scarred.
So when I go home, I’ll be happy to go –
You’re just somebody that I used to know.

You don’t need my help anymore,
It’s all now to you, there ain’t no before,
Now that you’re big enough to run your own show,
You’re just somebody that I used to know.

I watched you deal in a dying day,
And throw a living past away,
So you can be sure that you’re in control,
You’re just somebody that I used to know.

I know you don’t think you did me wrong,
And I can’t stay this mad for long,
Keeping ahold of what you just let go –
You’re just somebody that I used to know.


this is a shout out to tricia dituro for reading my journal and for k winklesass for friending me.

it’s nice to know maybe a few students would read my journal. i promise i am more of a person than simply an rd and rcm… so maybe you get some of that

but speaking of that idea, on the way home, we had a great conversation about blogging and its inherent side of overexposure

i’ve been a livejournal for almost five years, and i’ve had the same basic philosophy: i put what i’m thinking as a personal editorial. there’s nothing here that i would let someone know in regular conversation, it just happens to be that here i have a larger space to explore those thoughts and make them more coherent for you. often, it seems my mind circulates around things like God and theology, relationships (friendships and otherwise), and perceptions of the world around me. it’s not particularly special or fancy, but it’s questions, it’s observations, and maybe (which is the main motivation for my journal) it might make someone think, someone reflect, someone grow. and what i can add to the table for that, so much the better. that doesn’t mean i don’t occasionally pour out my heart, but i guard it with a sense of personal protection, as well as protection for others – after all, not everyone needs to hear everything i do.

so, to let you know, i won’t tell you about the girls i like or don’t like (though i might say something like “i like girls who play guitar”), i won’t tell you about the struggles i have to the point they become awkward, and as much as i can, try to be positive… it’s just who i am

(or attempt to be)

which is maybe what makes blogging popular: it’s a redefinition of character. it’s my ability to be who i am/want/need/desire/fake, and all it takes to start over is signing up again

let me say this too (as a plug for the side of my journal)… each of the folks on my journal fit a niche of blogging: some are just daily reflections, some are deep philosophy, some humble, others pretentious, but each one is a glimpse into a world of these people, and i draw myself into them – i know all these people fairly well, and to read what they write in their way without the construct of grades or judgment is beautiful

for a long time i was questioning why i could not write like some of the folks i linked to. they seemed to grasp what i was thinking, or at minimum it sounds polished. but really, why the hell do i want to be them? i’m not real flowery, i don’t define life in sonnets, and i haven’t really traveled farther than maine. my experience is just me and that’s all

read all those journal on the side. they’re good, and if you leave a comment, they’d like it.

peace and love

i felt like one more song

it still stands the test as my favorite ben folds song

said what you wanted to hear
and what I
wanted to say
so, I
will take it back
are all of the dishes in tact?
let them be
it’s easy to be
easy and free
when it doesn’t mean anything
you remain
selfless, cold
and composed

you’ve done me no
favor to call and be nice
telling me I
can take anything
I like
you don’t owe me to be so polite
you’ve done no wrong
and you’ve done no wrong
get out of my sight

it’s easy to be
easy and free
when it doesn’t mean anything
to remain
selfless, cold
and composed

come on baby,
now throw me a right to the chin
don’t just stare like you never cared
I know you did
but you just smile
like a bank teller
blankly telling me:
“have a nice life”

come on baby,
now throw me a right to the chin
just one sign that could show me
that you give a shit
but you just smile, politely
and I grow weaker and I

said what you wanted to hear
and what I
wanted to say
so, I
will take it back

it’s easy to be
easy and free
when it doesn’t mean anything
and it doesn’t mean anything
you can take anything
you can take anything

you’re so
selfless, cold
so selfless, cold
so selfless, cold
and composed


i believe in a few things
God the devil and love
cause i’ve looked up from the bottom
and i’ve stared down from above

i have faith in a few things
divinity and grace
but even when I’m on my knees
i know the devil prays

and you’re working your way
from the ground on down

i hate to say i love you
because it means that i
will be with you forever
or will sadly say goodbye

i love to say i hate you
because it means that i
will live my life happily without you
or will sadly live a lie

and you’re working your way
from the ground on down

life is short
and if your lookin’ for extension
with your time
you had best do well

cause there’s good deeds
and there is good intention
they’re as far apart
as heaven and hell

and you’re working your way
from the ground on down


lindsay k: i will answer your tag, but first i wanted to talk about BEN FOLDS

nakis, jake, kelsey, andrea, samantha and i went to allegheny college to see ben play.

it started with a band called the fray. they were actually pretty good, but as nakis said “i liked them the first time – they were called keane”

then the man came out. and what ensued was two fulls hours of non stop music, and he pulled out every stop. here’s some of the highlights:

he started out by playing bastard, and played about half the stuff on songs for silverman, including you to thank (which the sweet solo), landed, jesus land, prison food, and a couple others

then he played rockin’ the suburbs stuff – rockin’ the suburbs (where we all screamed the f at the top of our lungs – it was amazing), and he also played ascent of stan – a personal favorite of mine that i wouldn’t have expected he’d play

he busted strings on the baldwin he was playing. afterwards, he said “i busted the piano up here, so i’m going to let the guys take care of it, and i think i’m going to go take a piss or something”

he made up a song becuase someone said he was “ear candy”

we did the horn part for “army”, which was a trick i always wanted to be part of at a bf concert… and it was funny becuase he said “i’m going to try to just do this without explaining it. it might fall on its ass, but sometimes i just get tired of hearing my own shit”

he also played “bitches ain’t shit” – the cover he’s done from the dr. dre song. it was great.

he played the luckiest and gracie right next to each other, which made me think how i look forward to be a husband and a father

the coupe de grace however – he played 1 angry dwarf and 200 solemn faces… the one song i was hoping for

he finished with not the same, and we did the harmonies, and he screwed around with us.

as we were leaving, we went the back way, and actually saw ben. i was about four feet away from him. we made eye contact, waved, and left.

what i’m most impressed by is his humility. he’s so good at what he does, and when he’s on stage he’s a consummate performer, but when everyone’s gone, he’s quiet and subdued. he almost seem suprised by all the attention… and i like that a lot. that type of humility is rare anymore.

amazing night. peace and love.


i don’t have much to report of late. except that i’m still alive, which is victory in itself

i’m going to see ben folds tomorrow. excited

i read shankle’s blog on a regular basis, and it heightens a sense of wanderlust in me that i’ve never acted upon, but so badly want to

when i’m done with my three years at gannon, i want to spend a summer travelling. i don’t care where yet, but just go. i’d even be content spending a summer living and working in maine. it’s a thought

speaking of shankle and thoughts:

“…The real point is that you should try to find (or maybe you already have found) someone who would like to spend their days the same way that you would like to. In my case, this obviously means traveling across Germany at 185.79 miles per hour. And, since my love is sitting across from me, reading Emma, at 185.79 miles per hour in Germany, I have found someone who is just as I described, and I think it was a good idea to get married to her…”

at this time next year, two of my three closest friends from gcc will have found their bullet train partners, spending days they described.

i woud like to spend my days knowing how dorky it is that i beatbox at random times, i live with college students, i’m almost a guitarist, and through all of that having someone say “that’s kinda cute”