more from me (entry #301)

So I was reading an article called “The Pussification of the Western Male” by a guy named Kim Du Toit, and it sorta struck a nerve with me tonight. Maybe it’s been a mix of a few different things, but the jist of it is that we’ve become half the men we used to be because we’re a mother driven society, and that now we’ve become over warned, over refined, and over wussed. Wild At Heart parallels this, saying that in our culture men are no longer permitted to be men. We have to be refined, we have to be have to be controlled – in other words, we are no longer allowed to be dangerous. We as men are no longer permitted in our society to feel powerful beyond our control. We have to be encapulated in our jobs, in our committments, and in what the world wants us to be. And you see men walking around dead inside. They look empty, they act empty, and they act out in some way or another to get that power back. As I read the Du Toit article, I see that at least there are some guys who are mad about it. But it’s all misplaced anger. Regardless of what side of the fence you sit on as it relates to the role feminism played, by getting angry at it, it merely propigates the issue at hand: that there is a growing amount of men that don’t think they have what it takes to stand up for truth and character, and be a man of integrity. When they have the chance to do something, they get mad and fuss instead of looking inside themselves and growing. So to Mr. DuToit, I’d say this: if you are tired of the Pussification of America, grow as a man and have integrity. It might require a trimming of your language and some more grace, but I have no doubt your capable. Like you said so truthfully: be more like Dad who is kind and firm, but willing to stand up when things are wrong. That’s strength – graceful power.

I guess in this discussion when Wild At Heart is brought up and when the spiritual degradation of men is brought up there’s still a point missed. Sure, we’ve lost a sense ourselves, and we should find power and we should be the Lions of Judah. But you can’t just be that, either. I think about Jesus, and he was one of the most tender individuals anyone could have met. He loved deeper and cared more about the people who deserved it the least. There was kindness in his soul. This can’t be lost in the shuffle of regaining a man’s heart. However, it’s very obvious to see that Jesus was also powerful (heck, he’s all God in a man’s body), and he had a passion and fire to him. He fufilled a life beyond himself, one that trancended his time here.

This is ultimately where I see Christian men feeling empty, and why we have a generation that is so limp-wristed: because we as men have simply stopped living for something beyond now. Think of a guy you know, and then think of what seems to prioritize: work, his wife, his family, his social status, God? I would venture to say that the men who you think are honestly living with God as #1 in their lives are not the wimped out men of this generation, but men who have some sort of passion in them… something that makes them look and act differently. When a man doesn’t have a life outside what he lives in, he grows weak like a caged animal. And then he finds it more and more difficult to fend off those things that he could have deflected with all of his power – greed, lust, envy, fear.

This point is why I ultimately take a small exception to Wild At Heart and reactions like DuTiot’s, because I feel you can be a powerful man and wear nice clothing and be refined. You can be a music person or an english person and still harbor that Christ-like passion. It’s a matter of where you ultimately ascribe your identity. You place it in earthly things and you eventually get drawn out because it can’t fuel you, or you place it in the God who created everything and who is all powerful, and you feel some of that energy. You want to be of it and in it.

Anyway, that’s a long enough write for me. Peace and love all, and happy Easter.


Good point

I found this blog in my research today about integrity, and I wanted to share it. I love what the woman said, and it’s very true:

Around the Internet, I see a recurrent theme among men in commenting on the death of Pat Tillman: “I wish I were half the man that he was.” So be half the man that he was, then; plus some, if you can. You’re still alive and have the chance to do so. I’m not necessarily saying that you should run out and join the military and volunteer for Ranger school as Mr. Tillman did. I am saying that there are many other ways to be a real man and if you want to do it, stop talking about it and get on with it. Be advised, however, that to be the type of man that he appears to have been requires faith, integrity, strength and, yes, some sacrifice. Lunch isn’t free, not unless it’s day-old and spoiled.

Aaron, the Liberal Slayer speaks of “get laid politics,” the feminist politics to which too many men fall victim in order to keep peace and piece in their homes. To take a stand, follow through on that stand and be the leader in the home, church, synagogue and society when the well-being of all of the above are at stake requires some testicular fortitude. Some guys just are too afraid to stand up to the ovarian fortitude that’s been nurtured by feminism–for good and ill–in the last forty plus years. The owner of those ovaries might walk out the door.

Psst! Acting from fear is unmanly. It’s unwomanly for that matter.

I submit that the type of woman that wants to hinder the existence and propagation of real men, you don’t want anyway. Not ultimately. Not in the long-run. (Of course, if you’re thinking about the short-run type of woman, this post isn’t for you.)

Doing what is right in the face of fear is a defining quality of a real man. Risk is an ever-present factor in such a man’s life, as the Tillman family and hundreds of other families have found out over the past three years. However, great rewards almost always are accompanied by such risks. For real men, “getting laid” is the least of his rewards, both earthly and heavenly speaking. I don’t know of any real man that’s wanting for the companionship of a real woman, should he so desire it. Such men have the added perks of self-respect, peer-respect and countless others. What’s not to covet? So after you dry your eyes over the Fallen, go out and Just Do It.™

Be the man–loyal, honest, tough, tender–that you want to be. Don’t let anyone stand in your way, including the women in your life. If you guys want to give Pat Tillman a fitting memorial, I’d say that’s it.

Boy, the NFL peacocks are going to look pretty lame this year, by comparison. That is as it should be.

Georgia, Sweet Georgia

Good Friday service was awesome. I miss church when I’m at school. Hearing a member of your family preach to a church is awesome.

I decided to purchase a Best of Ray Charles album tonight, somewhat impusively. It was a good impluse. This is the same reason I love jazz music (and why, as a recent GQ article puts it, why jazz now blows): because there’s an edge to it. There’s something there that wasn’t there before. There’s something unrefined, basic, and dirty about it, but yet there’s beauty in that. And jazz was the same – for every guy you wanted to laud for his skill, you knew after the show he got his fix. And in its way, it was dangerous.

I’m no scholar of jazz, nor would I ever claim to be, but from where I’m sitting right now, jazz lost its edge, and that’s a shame.

What’s new here? Well, I have an interview at Robert Morris University on Monday in the afternoon. I’m pretty excited about that, because it’s seems like a great school, and I’d love to work in the Pittsburgh area. I tutor in Pittsburgh and would love to stay with the high schoolers, there are some great churches there, and I would have my brother there for a little, and then other friends that might be in Pittsburgh. I’d feel real comfortable down there, and I think could make a major impact on the school and the people there. It’s a smaller private college that seems to be into business and engineering fairly heavily. It’s not Christian, but like with all schools, I realize it won’t be the “faith-on-the-sleeve” like GCC is, and I’m excited for the new venue. My only concern is if I’ll hear from them in time to give all the opportunities I have their due course.

…still have yet to hear from Westminster and Gannon. Which is cool – patience!

Also started my garden – Tomatoes, Chamomile, Nasturtium, Mesculn, Spearmint, Sunflowers. It’s a random combination, but beleive me, in my head it works.

Finished working at my grandparents, and I enjoy it more for the fact that I get to catch them up on my life than the fact that they pay me. Not to say that extra cash doesn’t go a heck of a long way, but I’d still help them for free.

Talked to Audrey on the phone for a little bit yesterday. That was nice.

Tomorrow is trying to write my paper day. If I can get a least a little of it done, I’d be joyed.

If you read this, just pray for me. I don’t always ask for prayer, but I want to be strong in the face of many temptations and trials, and I’m working to keep my integrity. I appreciate all prayer.


Here we stand

Dear reader,

Happy spring, and sorry. I haven’t been doing a good job updating. If you look over the course of this journal, you’ll see I go in phases – the superficial quiz stage, the apologetic I should write meaningfully, too much information, and then back to superficial. So you read now in stage two. And I just realized I haven’t written anything of depth since about January. In any case, if you wanted something new and insightful, it’s not that time. But if you want a semester update, viola:

First, I’m debating whether on May 14th to close this journal and move on to something else. After all, this has been a college journal. Starting freshman year, it traces my life at school and what it’s meant to me. It seems fitting to close it out and start a new blog – more geared to the grown up life – CCO and the like. I’d appreciate thoughts, and perhaps a place to rest my journalistic head.

Secondly, what’s new? Well, as I mentioned, CCO has now become more serious. I had my Placement Preview Event where I had a series of 30 minute interviews with multiple schools and churches. Picture a RD/Student minister combine, and you’ll get the idea. Anyway, from 6 interviews there, I whittled (and so did the organizations) down my list to 3 interviews. These were with Westminster College in New Wilmington, PA; the Kirk House through First Covenant Presbyterian church in Erie, PA (working through the church and Gannon University), and an RD position at Gannon as well. All three interviews went well, and now it’s waiting to find out which of these positions extend me a position (if any of them). I feel confident in Westminster still. It seems like the right fit, and all of the interviews went really well. What’s wild about all of it is that I’m not worried. I wasn’t nervous in my second interviews at any of the places. This is just the right thing for me now, and that peace is wonderful to have.

That’s basically enveloped my life. And it’s been exhausting. Each of my interviews were entire day events – I was at Gannon from 11 on Thursday to 9 the next morning. It’s such emotional highs you have to endure, to be that perfect person for 8 hours straight – stand straight, sit straight, smile, watch every word you say and your inflection, and then review everything you say afterwards just to be sure you didn’t say anything stupid. It’s greuling. And I’m pleased to say that for now it’s done. There might be another interview at Robert Morris on the horizon, but that’s more if these others don’t pan out.

There are a couple more exciting things in my life that I’m not at liberty to really talk about on my journal. For those of you who know exactly what I’m talking about, just know that things are going really well, and are just looking better.

I’m off… pnl


English Genius
You scored 93% Beginner, 93% Intermediate, 100% Advanced, and 77% Expert!
You did so extremely well, even I
can’t find a word to describe your excellence! You have the uncommon
intelligence necessary to understand things that most people don’t. You
have an extensive vocabulary, and you’re not afraid to use it properly!
Way to go!

Thank you so much for taking my test. I hope you enjoyed it!

For the complete Answer Key, visit my blog:

My test tracked 4 variables How you compared to other people your age and gender:

You scored higher than 38% on Beginner
You scored higher than 34% on Intermediate
You scored higher than 89% on Advanced
You scored higher than 71% on Expert
Link: The Commonly Confused Words Test written by shortredhead78 on Ok Cupid


Because I want to pick up the baton for , here’s a nice little quiz:

1. Total amount of music files on your computer?
375… and then add a five to the end of that.

2. The last cd you bought was…
Alycia Keys “The Diary of Alycia Keys”

3. What was the last song you listened to before reading this message?
“Amsterdam” by Coldplay

4. Write down five songs you often listen to or mean a lot to you.
+ Captain Jack – Billy Joel (One of the songs of the first album I ever recieved)
+ Comfortable – John Mayer (Song of the longest relationship I had in college)
+ One Angry Dwarf and 200 Solemn Faces – Ben Folds (One of my favorite of his, and reminds me of being short and made fun of in middle school :P)
+ Lover, You Should Have Come Over – Jamie Cullum (new song for me, but it’s a good song)
+ To Be Alone With You – Sufjan Stevens

5. What new music are you really excited for in the coming year so far?
Ben Folds new solo album – Landed is awesome

6. What 5 people are you going to pass this baton to and why?
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