Back from break

I just wanted to write real quick to say I had a nice break. I got enough work done that I could ease into this week and just enjoy everything. I’m wrestling with some stuff, but none of it is anything of particular worth to write in my livejournal. It’s funny that you think you’ve got a lot of your life figured out, you know where you’re coming from, you know what’s going on, and then life throws you something unexpected… even if it’s in an expected vessel.

A friend of mine wrote this is his journal, and I thought it was interested, and kind of appropriate to how I’ve felt lately.

so, i’m really all about instant gratification from God. I think it would be pretty cool if He just kinda told me stuff that i needed to know, like, what job/major i should go with? ya know, get rid of the whole faith thing and just let me in on what is going on? is it too much to ask for an angel or two with some arrowy signs pointing at a girl i might marry someday? to let me know who “the one” is? huh, everyone agree? oh well, i guess we’ll just keep on keeping on. praying, waiting, praying, seeking, praying, a bit of Bible reading, and waiting. the neverending process and i guess it is for the best. for it is how we all grow the best. trial and error, error and trials. its been really hitting me lately, how much i rely on myself and what i think. how much do i really know, to assume that i know anything at all. ahhhhh! i’m so presemtuous to think that i even deserve another minute of breath.

But for the grace of God would i cease to breath
falling on my face i am so deceived
another day of breath and I forget
how close to death i am, my date is set
where can i find the strength to seek
another hour, day, month, or week
God has been good all along
i misunderstood, hence this song

peace and everything

I really agree with the how we grow the best, and I hadn’t really thought about it until Aaron brought it up. Through all of these things I don’t understand, it’s how I’m growing, how I’m working on stuff, how I’m turning into the ever elusive “person I’ve always wanted to be”. I know he’s there, but it’s in the waiting, watching, listening and reading that someday he’ll come out. I guess the thing too is that the second I become the person I want to be, God will raise the bar and I’m goign to have to climb a little further. But in that there’s a comfort, because I know God’s willing to be there and He’s going to guide me… all I’ve got to do is follow with all my heart. But, boy, what I wouldn’t give for some instant gratification every once in awhile. =)

See you all later,
a.

20 and I feel fine.

Yeah, so this is my first full day of 20ness. I had a really great day yesterday, and I just wanted to thank everyone again who made it so special.

But, you know, if there’s one thing I’m learning as time goes along is how true it is when people say “The older I get, the less I understand.” It would seem to me because I’ve got more knowledge I’ve been so much better at everything, but I’m learning I know just enough about life to talk intellegently about it, and then that’s about it. For example, I can do so well on my midterms and then get one not-as-good grade and all of the sudden think all the rest of it is not as good. I can think I understand what love is and how it’d come and what I’d do, and then I’m just as lost when it might be there (or not… see… can’t even decide on my journal entry). I can feel most fervently where I am in terms with God, and then at the last minute feel somewhere else entirely. It’s odd. I’m not assured that God never gives you more than you can handle, because I know that a couple years ago I couldn’t have handled all the ideas in my head now… which I suppose would lead me to believe that I can handle all that gets tossed my way.

Makes me wonder why I ever get worried. Human condition, I s’pose.

Funny think last night we all talked about as we were at Eat’n’Park till 3:00… Lindsay brought up the point that we’re invincible until God calls us home. I had remembered hearing that last semseter, but I don’t think it really hit home until last night. That means there’s nothing that can defeat me… ever. I’m never defeated, merely given my spot in Heaven. That means all this other stuff that can get me down doesn’t matter. I’m also beginning to realize that if we’re created in God’s divine image, we’ve got so many of His characteristics, and I’ve never thought God was someone who was ever down. Did He weep? I’m sure he did. Was He angry? Read the Old Testament. But He did it all out of love, not out of fear or ulterior motives. And, if He’s like that, why should I spend my time being upset about the little things and have a negative mindset… if God had a negative mindset, I’d hasten to wonder whether we’d still be around. Ah well… by the same token God seems awful prepared for everything… I guess that comes with the whole being God and being omnicient and omnipresent thing. That means I shouldn’t be saying “oh, I don’t have to study for this…” it means always being at 100%.

Anywho, I’m off to watch the ai video from last night. Peace to all… and those at GCC… have a safe break!

a.

Hi =)

Sorry I took so long to get back to saying something again. It’s been a long week with 3 exams and just feeling like I haven’t gotten enough sleep.

However, I’m here, and I’m kickin’!

The ai gig went really, really good. People were really in tune with “It’s Okay To Like Michael Jackson” still, and I think that’s great. I really don’t want to be a niche band and just play funny stuff, but it’s nice to know we’re appreciated.

Then, following, the week was nothing but studying. By the grace of God and God alone I was able to get done with my accounting and think I did fairly well. Secondly, I really think I aced Marketing and Civ Arts. So, hypothetically, I could get this on my midterms in about a week or two:

Management: B or maybe an A if I do well on the next exam
Civ Arts: A+
Accounting: B (though we’ll see how this test goes… I’m at an 89% right now)
Business Law: B+
Marketing: A

…I like the looks of that A LOT. My goal is a 3.5, and that kinda looks like it.

Anywho, I just wanted to say something else real quick before I signed off. I was reading through my friends page, and I have to admit I love every one of them. If you read each one, they’ve all got their own special qualities. They’re all special people, and I’m blessed to know them.

Well, I finally got WinMX to work, so it’s DOWNLOAD time!

Peace, Love, Fried Chicken,
a.