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Awesome IMing

Charlie: Hmm… do you think there’s an organized looting business anywhere i could invest in?
awra2001: well, this guy Lenny lives down the street… connected with something called… oh, the mafia I guess…
awra2001: Money laundering. 🙂
Charlie: Ahhh.. *nods* Yeah. I’ve heard of them. I don’t know if it’s a good long term investment, though. You know, it’s the kind of portfolio where you’d wake up in the middle of the night worrying about it. Or wake up because a large, scary man is in your room holding a gun to your head.
awra2001: and not in a good way.
awra2001: If you can ever have a gun pointed at you in a good way.
Charlie: *nods* haha

Entry #100!

Woo! Congratulations to me! I’m in triple digits in my entries. It’s taken awhile, but y’know, practice makes perfect, and I like to take my time to do it right.

Couple observations for numbero ciento (I’ve decided against an introspective review of the last 2 years or whatever…):

1) When I drive to work in the morning, over beyond some of the hills I see the new Wal*Mart in Salem. From my house it looks as though it’s a bastion of commercial triumph… it’s all kinda disgusting. Although it will be a powder keg for Salem’s small town economy with its small shops basically filled with the same antiques as any other store, and surely it will be a shot in the arm for growth in the area, relatively stagnant, I can’t help but miss my field. I guess that’s progress for you.

2) I keep having this sneaking suspicion that all the work I’ve done this summer will go for naught. There’s a lack of communication here, and we’re approaching an impass with many of the studies we’ve done. This stuff has been done before, and I’ve just felt that because my partner and I are doing it now, we’re going to be able to really do something with it. It’s this optimism that keeps me coming to work everyday – that I will eventually make a difference for American Standard. But, the more things happen, the more it seems it’s all going to go down into the trash, only to be redone again by some bright-eyed 20 year old intern.

In order…

I figured I’d actually write up on my LJ in the morning again. They moved my office and now it’s the definition of private and high tech. Everything’s brand new and all… the only downside is I’m a little removed from the usual action. That’s okay. I’ll just have to do some more walking 🙂

Anyway, I keep thinking about that last entry and whether to apologize, but I don’t think I’ll apologize solely for it. If I offended whoever is reading, then I apologize. I was mad… well, maybe more hurt than mad – old wounds are tough to close sometimes – and as a result, certain emotions swelled up. But, in the end, I spend way too much time in my life explain my emotions then letting them speak for themselves.

I had a friend comment to me about feeling the same way I did about some friendships. I have a feeling that we all at one time or another feel like we are the administrator of a friendship and another the beneficiary – I think that’s a good reason why one sees so many divorces these days. What always dumbfounds me though is why it has to be that way. Is it something innate in me and others, is it just the happening pairing, or is it just self-pity? I don’t know. I know there are some friendships that I’ve just let go by the wayside myself.

We’re the salvagers. The ones who don’t know when to quit, when to let go, when to let die. We figure there’s still marrow in a relationship from the instant you meet until you die, and we’re dedicated to finding it.

Sitting thinking…

Let me apologize for the week of not entering anything.

I’m on second shift today again, but didn’t double up… a good thing, I think I’ll make it through this time.

Anyway, as I was sitting here, I was looking at some other LJ entries, and I realized a couple people on there were friends of mine that have kinda gone through ups and downs in my life. I guess I’ve always looked at myself as the beneficary of friendships as opposed to the one actually benefitting. Not to say I don’t appreciate all of my friendships, but when it comes right down to it, I see myself working hard at them rather than just… well, I guess let’s say letting them take their couse. That’s probably one part uber-hands-on personality with a dash of insecurity and one part experience in the past. Friendships and I for most of my life have been superficial, one-sided, and often times demeaning. That’s life, however.

Let me say this, even though it’s kind of off track: the worst thing you can tell anyone is that you don’t view them as a friend. Pardon my language, but that’s bullshit, and I’ll tell anyone the same thing. It’s one of the most uncouth, undermining things in the world… RUDE.

Anyway, I’m upset now, and I have to work.