Okay, so maybe we have an “I told you so” on the horizon

I’m finally beginning to see why there are people who choose to have their journals be “friends only”

I recieved a journal comment today from an individual I respect quite a bit who lambasted me about the way I’ve handled some of the things I’ve talked about here in my LJ. And while sure, I’ve had my moments where I’ve been not so nice to people, I’d say I try hard to keep things even – I understand people don’t like, and while I do what I can, I’m learning I’m not always going to like people back.

But I will say this – from the beginning, I promised myself I would never, ever apologize for what I said on here. From one of the first entries I said that this would be a place where I could stand up and let the anonymous hear what I needed to say. If you wanted to see it, fine; if not, that’s okay too. These are things that if people asked me I’d tell them the same exact thing – I don’t pull any sort of punches just because I’m not face to face with them. Maybe it’s an aspiration to op-ed what I want because I feel like my opinion matters.

Also, there are plenty of things I don’t reveal on this journal because they are private and they are things that don’t need to be told to everyone who comes by here. And it’s my right to pick and choose. Moreover, whatever “venting” I may do is only after much venting beyond this journal – I would never, ever write in here out of anger, because I try hard enough not to operate out of anger.

That being said, to anyone I’ve ever offended or hurt I apologize for what it did. I don’t want to hurt people, believe me

And to any of Lindsay’s family and friends who may or may not have read this journal, I’m sorry for what I put her through, intentionally or not. I’m sorry I couldn’t be the type of guy she deserves, and if I get a chance to talk to any of you in person, those will be the first words out of my mouth, believe me. I want nothing more than for everyone to move on and be happy. That’s what makes any relationship that ends worth something – the fact you can move on, learn something, and be happy. We were just two different people who tried hard to have something work that didn’t. I still respect and care for all of you, and hopefully all of you can at least remember me from way back when apparently I wasn’t so bad.

And that’s about as private as you’re ever going to get from me.

I doubt I’ll be putting very many entries in for awhile. As is typically the case at the end of the summer I’m beat and broken, tired of a lot of things, and would rather spend the time soul searching than typing.



mmmmmm good song time

Come on, oh my star is fading
And I swerve out of control
And if I, if I’d only waited
I’d not be stuck here in this hole.

Come here, oh my star is fading
And I swerve out of control
And I swear I waited and waited,
I’ve got to get out of this hole

But time is on your side
It’s on your side now
Not pushing you down and all around
It’s no cause for concern

Come on, oh my star is fading
And I see no chance of release
I know I’m dead on the surface
But I’m screaming underneath

And time is on your side
It’s on your side now
Not pushing you down and all around
It’s no cause for concern

Stuck on the end of this ball and chain
And I’m on my way back down again
Stood on a bridge, tied to a noose
Sick to the stomach
You can say what you mean
But it won’t change a thing
I’m sick of the secrets

Stood on the edge
Tied to a noose
You came along
And you cut me loose

You came along
And you cut me loose
You came along
And you cut me loose

It reminds me of the last couple days, and also reminds me of what’s to come.

Working until two. But I have a computer, a CD player, and an empty office.

Advantage me.


Political Rant

Okay. This is something that’s bothering me because I’ve decided to take the time to read foxnews.com this morning. And I came to this article about feminists. And while I have my own views about that (men who fight for men’s rights are chauvinist, women who fight for women’s rights are progressive), something bothered me about a particular statement from Becca Gerner, a part of NARAL: Pro-Choice America.

This echoes a statement made by Cindy on my LJ:

Abortion: For all practical purposes, Let me say I’m against. But I’m not one of those pro-lifer-everyone-who-has-one-is-going-straight-to-hell people. I belive that the mother’s right to live outweighs the fetus’. I believe that in the rare (Yes, rare: In over 1000 rapes surveyed in NYC last year, there were NO (can I emphasize ZERO, 0, None, Nil) pregnancies as a result? It has to do with the woman’s openness to the act, the body’s reflex to oversaturate with adrenaline and a whole lot of other chemical reactions that actually in almost all cases prevent conception, chemically. I don’t think abortion should be this easily obtained luxury, yet I don’t believe it should be against the law. Not totally, anyways. It’s a baby. If you want a baby, keep it. If you don’t, put it up for adoption and be more careful next time. If your life is in danger because of the pregnancy, abort it. If you’re just one of those assholes who wants an abortion because you wanted a girl and you found out el fetuso has a peniso, I think you should have to give it up for adoption and pay child support.

I agree completely. I’m tried of the feminists who want to consider it a method of convenience or luxury to have an abortion. It’s one of the most selfish and REGRESSIVE ideas I’ve ever heard. It tears at the very fiber of what life is.

Ms. Gerner, you have choices. You have the choice not to have sex. You have the choice to rise above and move for adoption. You have the choice to help many people who want children so badly but can’t.

You have a right to care about someone else but you.

And I go on!

“Women are more comfortable in the Democratic Party – they are pro-choice, where Republicans are staunchly pro-life, which they are not comfortable with,” said Brooke Taney, a painter from Manhattan. She was handing out pro-choice stickers with Marnie Weiss, who was dressed as Lady Liberty with her torch aloft, waving to passersby on Boylston Street Monday.

Not so fast, countered Nina Broz, 18, and Emily Bissonnette, 20, who stopped in Boston in the middle of a 1,300-mile anti-abortion march from Augusta, Maine, to Washington, D.C. They sported pro-life T-shirts in stark contrast to those of the NARAL volunteers around them.

Their presence also reminded passersby that being a woman did not automatically require them to sign on with the Democratic agenda.

“I think one of the things we get is they think we are women haters,” said Broz. “But we are women, look at us. We like our choices, too. But abortion is an entirely different issue.”

I’m sorry, but unless the girls I know aren’t really girls at all, they’re okay being republican, okay with being conservative, okay with being pro-life.

To all of the pro-choice women who consider it a choice, I say this – if you spent as much time working to achieve degrees, proving in all ways that you can achieve like men can as you did working on telling us it’s okay to kill your fetus when it’s convenient, I think we’d have a lot less problems.

And I feel the same way about minorities and Title IX: it comes down to self-discipline and responsibility. Affirmative action has done more to undermine minority and women’s advancement than just about anything else, by giving each group a false sense of security that they don’t have to give 100% because they get special benefits by their skin or gender. On top of that, it has served to jade the majority – white males – to further advancement of minorities and women. So they’re more upset, they dislike it more, and in the end you have more problems than you created: people who are less competent at their jobs allowed the chance over someone who was fully competent – all solely on the basis of their skin and gender.

In closing, I think employment is a free market and should be ran as such.


Arguing with the family and other joyful things

Good morning all,

I had the (I’d say) bi-annual knock-out-drag-out parents v. Adam fight last night. And while it was one in which I yelled, screamed, went outside to vent some anger and shed a tear or two, I think it came to a good conclusion.

You see, I’m not the type of guy who ever wants to tuck my tail under or just let things go. Oh no, when it comes to those arguments, I go toe-to-toe with my family and we pound things out. It all started when I was distracted from answering the phone for my mom while she was out working. I didn’t quite relay the message that I had called back, and she didn’t quite get to the person she was hoping to talk to. Anyway, that led into irresponsibility, and when I had made some plans against what my mom had wanted, it got even bigger. Then I lost it. And without going too far into the details, we discussed my irresponsibility, my arrogance (apparent), the feeling that I look at my parents with some disdain (which I don’t), the fact that my family doesn’t think it’s a good idea for me to go to graduate school right off the bat and that there more creative ways to pay for grad school, Lindsay, and finally the fact that my parents feel like I’m trying to change them. We all sort of yell and fuss at each other, until finally something happened. I just said I was sorry and I wasn’t going to try to accuse anybody of anything anymore. It’s not worth it, and I don’t want to be yelled at either. I want to be disciplined, not punished. Then we started to talk about things I could work on – things I could be doing better. And before long I felt like we had really gotten something accomplished. And since, I think things are better. For all of the strain that occurred over the last six months due to my relationships at school, it was nice to maybe get back into a semblance of what was (and, as a side note, for those of you who read this journal in an effort to see what I may say about Lindsay, shame on you. This is my personal space that people can choose to read or not. And for any of you to read this just purely to start arguments and making people feel bad shows a lack of concern for anyone but yourself and the utter sensationalism you choose to create) my family life from before all of it. And that was refreshing. It comes down to when I leave in August, which could very well be the last time I live in my house, I want to be sure it’s on good terms. I want to know that although we all have our differences and frustrations as a family, we’re dynamic enough to come back.

Other than that lovely match, things are at their usual pace. Down to single digits at work, tomorrow will be two weeks until vacation. Three and a half weeks and I’ll be in Grove City, unpacking and getting ready for RD training.

The world, shall we say, is coming full circle again.

And for her sake because she seemed disappointed last time, I’m saying hi to Kaylan and that I’ve had a chance to talk to her and get to know her better everyday and it’s been amazing. I look forward to it more and more.

There you go. You’ll get your own “Kaylan Sessions” entry later 😛


mmmmm good song time

Because I can’t always get good poems, I decided to regale you all with one of my favoite summer (and general songs).

I’ll let the sucka speak fo’ itself

“Summer Romance (Anti-Gravity Love Song)”

I’m home alone tonight.
Full moon illuminates my room, and sends my mind aflight.
I think I was dreaming up some thoughts that were seemingly
possible…with you.
So I call you on the tin can phone.
We rendezvous at a quarter-two, and make sure we’re alone.
I think I’ve found a way for you and I to finally fly free.
When we get there, we’re gonna go far away.
Making sure to laugh; while we experience anti-gravity.
For years, I kept to myself.
Now potentialities are bound, and sleeping under my shelf.
Simply choose your destination from the diamond canopy,
and we’ll be there.
So I call you on the tin can phone.
We rendezvous at a quarter-two, and make sure we’re alone.
I think I’ve found the way for you and I to finally be free

Boredom Overcomes Him….

Hey all,

I’m sitting here bored out of my gourd, and figured I had some updating to do. Slobber over and enjoy:

Since Wednesday things have been fairly the same. Going to work, working out, eating, sleeping. About the same.

Sunday was completely different however. I managed to go to an Indians game with my grandmother, and what fun it was. We were situated right on the 3d base line right above the dugout, so we’re talking normal sized everyone, people heading to the dugout, little kids (and for the first time in a long while I will say annoying kids) trampling over everyone for a chance to get a ball from Ben Broussard. It was so much fun. We saw webgems, we saw the first HR of Grade Sizemore, and a great CG by Jake Westbrook. I loved it

This week is talking to people on the phone, working, running, and sleeping.

more some other time. peaceandlove